Suspended in air.

So just last night, I found out I got into UC Berkeley. my first reaction was initial shock, then excitement. I had been rejected by UCLA, but I got accepted to UC Berkeley! It was one of those feelings you get when you dodged a close call. Well, that feeling has changed drastically since yesterday. Right now, I am in a state of dispair, confusion, and fear.

I got into UC Berkeley. Woopee. Now speaking realistically, I got into Berkeley. Possibly the number one UC in California. So great, people from around the world apply there, and 80% gets rejected. This means students that got accepted are extremely talented and hardworking. That's the problem. Will I be able to stay on the same level as these people? Or will I drown and end up a college dropout? Suicide rates are extremely high at Berkeley, which comes to no surprise, considering how difficult classes must be. I fear that my sanity will go down the drain if I go there.

Did I also mention the crime rate? This did not come into my mind until Mr Velasquez, my economics teacher, told me stories of his time in Berkeley. There are homeless people that live ON campus, and muggings occur often. I was told one person was stabbed to death for trying to reason with the thief. I have never encounter these events before. Will I be one of those unfortunate victims? I am on my own now, and I must look out for myself.

Speaking of living on my own. Berkeley is approximately 5 hours away by car. That means I will not be visiting home, unless it's on vacation. My visits will be rare, and possibly short. It seems that my Berkeley would begin a new chapter in my life. Its almost like my life is ending and I am being reincarnated into a new life as a Berkeley scholar. Will I become so isolated, that I will lose connection to my family? Will my personality change as well? What if I change for the worse?

The approaching moment of college steadily draws nearer by each day. The months I have left at home seem so little. It feels as though I am waiting for death, just to be born again. Many people say that I shouldn't worry about this, but I am. In a blink of an eye, I will be a college student, alone in the world. Then I'll be graduating, and figuring out a way to get by in life. Then I'll be an adult, with what family I have left. Before I know it, I'll be an old man reminiscing about the "good ol' days". I guess you can say I am living an existentialistic life right now. It seems like I am just living for the heck of it. I have no definite direction, or answer. My stomach feels empty, and my heart is unnerved. Its like those moments when you fall down a rollercoaster; when your body is suspended in air.